some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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