I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
