finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
