I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
