yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
