Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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