Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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