It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
