Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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