just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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