He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
