I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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