it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
