Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
