:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
