I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
