I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
