I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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