so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
