im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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