Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
