TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
