As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
