can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
