I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
