the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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