mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can Purell be used as lube?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
