I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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