Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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