If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
