I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
