Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
