btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
