I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
