Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
