Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
