I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
