I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I understand Curling. That high.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
