I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
