I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
