Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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