sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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