i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
