You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
