There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
