If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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