so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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