When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize