So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
