My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
