I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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