I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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