i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
