just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
3pm strippers are depressing
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
