Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
