idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
