Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
