I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
