Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
