you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
