Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
