My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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