he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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